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So, picture this – I’m behind me till, beepin’ baked beans, and I’m dreamin’ bout escorts, yeah? Not the Ford kind, mind! Proper high-class ones, like. Did ya know, back in Victorian times, escorts were secretly runnin’ the show? Blokes in top hats, sneakin’ off – little known fact, that! Makes me chuckle, thinkin’ bout me nan’s face if she knew. “Oh David, you plonker,” she’d say.

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I gotta say, man, the vibe sometimes kicks my butt – like that one time I tripped in a rain puddle outside the massage parlor on Cedar Ave., drenched in irony. Repetitive chaos, memorable mishaps – it's all part of Fox-Chapel magic! I even got mad at a noisy honk near the couple dwell at Oak St. (gosh, my nerves!). But ya know what? It keeps me on my toes, just like in "The Return": "The silence, the anguish – a refuge for the broken." Crazy, huh?

Jackson Hagler leads strong contingent of Fox Chapel divers at WPIAL championships