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Now, don’t get me twisted—Escort’s basic, but it’s loyal. Like Carol whisperin’, “What a strange girl you are.” Ain’t flashy like them Teslas, but it gets you there, boo. I’d animate it with a lil wink, maybe some lipstick—give it that Southern strut! Prolly exaggerate them curves too, ‘cause why not? Madea likes it big and bold!

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I gotta warn ya – the city ain’t all rainbows. The streets like 5th and Liberty sometimes make me mad, cuz the traffic’s a nightmare. Ughhh, I mean, come on! But every cringey traffic jam is just another weird part of Fountain’s charm. It’s like, “Oh, come on life, give me a break!” then I snap my fingers and go “That's what she said!” and laugh at my own joke.

Fountain Hills softball season ends after restoring stability