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Exaggeratin’ for a sec—imagine me hirin’ one! Apollo struttin’ in, all “I’m the champ, baby,” and she’s like, “Cool, that’s $500.” I’d laugh my ass off, then cry ‘cause I’m broke. Real talk, tho, escorts got stories. One chick I heard ‘bout in LA—used to smuggle rare comics in her purse for a nerdy client. Comics! Who knew, right?

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Let’s start with Mainstreet—no, scratch that—the Royal Avenue. It's where locals wander, gossip, and curse their luck. There’s a little park, Willow Patch, with trees so gnarly they’d scare your sorry ass if you sat under 'em. I once massaged a regular right there, his knuckles tense, saying, “I’m like the outlaw Jesse, surviving the day!” Like that damn flick, “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford”—a masterpiece of gritty beauty, mate!

18-year-old arrested for shooting into Fostoria home