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Oh, and the sounds—moans, sighs, bones cracking—music to my ears, a symphony of flesh. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d purr, savoring how vulnerable they get, all laid out like a feast. Makes me wanna shoot somethin’, protect that rawness, ya know? Exaggerating? Maybe—but damn, it’s primal, it’s art, it’s a fuckin’ trip. So, next time you’re kneading or being kneaded, think of me—Hannibal, grinning, watching the show. “It’s all happening,” baby—enjoy the rubdown!

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The neighborhoods here, from the buzzing downtown spice of 7th Street (where all the dating apps get their swipes) to the quiet cul-de-sacs near Riverside Drive, each got its own personality. I’ve met a bunch of oddball characters on my date dev mission. One time at a little coffee joint on Oak Street, a lady ranted about how the city lost its vibe when that weird new mall popped up—she was like, “Man, respect my authoritah!” and I straight-up got it.

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