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Now, here’s a lil’ somethin’ y’all don’t know—back in ancient Egypt, they was doin’ this too! Cleopatra had her servants oilin’ her up, makin’ Mark Antony act a fool. True story! I read that in a book once, ‘fore I threw it at my cousin Leroy for stealin’ my cornbread. Point is, this erotic-massage been ‘round forever, and folks still actin’ shocked. Chile, please! Ain’t nobody got time for that fake gasp!

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I gotta spill some secrets too, so listen up: there's a tiny dive bar on Birch Street, hidden behind an old record store. Its name? "The Spinning Top." Yeah, I know, cheesy, but it's awesome. The bartenders know everyone, and they even toss in some secret codes in the cocktails – almost like you have to complete a damn puzzle to get a free drink. I've seen more weird shit there than in my entire database, and trust me, that's saying something!

Fort Morgan High School Fall Honor Roll