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Anyway, we meet up, me and this girl, and I’m nervous as hell—like, “Am I gonna screw this up?” I’m overthinkin’ it, naturally, ‘cause that’s my thing. She’s gorgeous, smells like lilacs or some crap, and I’m sittin’ there goin’, “Larry, don’t be the pale man, don’t freak her out!” We’re drinkin’ wine, talkin’ dirty, and it’s goin’ great—till she says, “I’m into roleplay.” ROLEPLAY? I’m like, “What, like *Pan’s Labyrinth*? You want me to be the faun?!” She laughs, thank God, and I’m saved. Turns out she meant somethin’ kinkier, which—whoa—surprised the hell outta me. Happy? Oh, I was thrilled, like a kid with a golden ticket!

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Okay, lemme start. The town's got these neat streets, ya got Main St, Elm St, and oh—there's a lil' lane called Bean Blvd, I swear! Who names a street after beans, right? Boom! There’s always somethin’ odd. And there’s the old railroad tracks that run near Sugar River. Sugar, yak? Crazy name for a river! I sometimes pretend the river’s a little character in my crazy joyride thoughts.

Fort Atkinson DAR recognizes area ‘Good Citizens’