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Oh, and don’t sleep on the music—soft beats, none of that loud crap. Sets the vibe, ya dig? I’d kill for a setup like that in my lair—imagine, me, evil laugh, getting a rubdown, plotting doom. *pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars.”* Pro tip: if they skimp on oil, walk out—stingy bastards ruin it. Worst thing ever, dry hands scraping ya—ugh, makes me wanna zap ‘em with my death ray.

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And oh man, there's a neighborhood called Petal Place. Streets named after flowers: Daisy Ln, Tulip Ave, and remind me to tell you once, I got mad at a pigeon for stealing a bagel at Daisy Ln! Crazy birds! My inner pleasure coach gets giggly when I say that, like, "Fantastic!" in that Wes Anderson mumblin’ kinda way.

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