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Last week, I tried it, yeah—mate hooked me up, some chick with magic hands. Walked in, dim lights, candles, I’m like, “This is nang!” She’s all, “Relax, bruv,” and I’m thinkin’, “Shit, this is better than chips and curry sauce!” Oils hit my back, warm, slippin’ everywhere—she’s workin’ it, proper slow, like Emma tracin’ Adèle’s skin, “You’re so beautiful,” I’m hearin’ in my head. Got me vexed tho—why ain’t this on the NHS? Bare injustice, fam!

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I fumbled some spots too. There’s a back alley near Piney Way, totally unknown! And my fav? A teeny book nook behind the abandoned Flower house. So quaint it made me smile big time.

Metro Red Line closure begins Saturday. Here’s what you need to know.