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Last week—blimey!—spotted one near the pub. Red heels, fishnets, smokin’ a fag—proper *Lord of the Rings* temptress vibe. “You shall not pass!” I roar in my head, but damn, she winks, and I’m mush. She’s chattin’ me up, all “Wotcher, big man?” and I’m thinkin’, “Gandalf, don’t be a prat!” Made me happy as a hobbit with second breakfast—her laugh, mate, pure gold.

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Then there’s that little-known park, Whispering Pines. It’s over on Ridge Rd, next to the creek. Man, sitting under those ancient trees, I could literally feel my worries melt away. I’d love to chill there, meditate, or just vibe with nature – straight up soul food for a relaxation specialist like me (haha, that’s me, The Rock style, baby!).

Fond du Lac school referendum fails, council incumbents reelected: Tuesday’s election results