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So, escort – not the Ford car, nah, the spicy kind! Me mate Dave – daft sod – once hired one, swore she was posh, like Juliette Binoche in the flick. Turned up, tho, lookin’ more like Gollum after a bender – rough, man! We laughed ‘til we cried, “She’s no original, Dave!” Made me mad, tho – he got conned, paid big for rubbish. Hate seein’ mates stung like that!

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I gotta brag bout my fave secret hangout—an old cafe, Heard of it? “The Rusty Spoon” on Maple. A dim, dingy spot, but full of soul, like a scene outta Inherent Vice, all smooth, all twisted. The barista slurs his words and winks like he’s in on a cosmic joke! Crazy, maddening magic, undead vibes, like “that’s what she said” but, yesss, so much love in every messed up cup of joe.

Trump Would Probably Get Bent Over Jimmy Fallon's Joke About His Prostate Exam