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Once, I heard this story—some chick in Vegas got paid in casino chips! True story, swear on my Duff! She’s all, “Cash me out, baby!”—hilarious, right? I’m laughin’, but then—D’oh!—I’m sad again, ‘cause it’s messy, ya know? These gals got lives, and here I am, a doofus, oglin’ ‘em. “Blessed are the forgetful,” I mutter, wishin’ I could zap this night outta my skull like Joel and Clem. Maybe I’ll stick to donuts—safer, cheaper, and Marge won’t kill me! D’oh!

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I love wanderin’ down Baker Avenue (don’t ask how I know, got my own reasons!). This street's full of hidden gems – quirky cafes and odd little bookshops. Seriously, some spots there scream “life’s messy, love’s messy!” I got told once by a patient, "It’s like life in here is an endless breakup scene," and I nearly spilled me coffee.

Ephrata sophomore spoils Hempfield senior's shot at L-L League boys tennis history