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Here’s the kicker—ya gotta watch fer the shady ones. Some parlors? Fronts fer bigger mischief—kinda like them WMDs we never found. “We know where they are,” I whisper to myself, laughin’, ‘cause I don’t! One time, this chick’s massagin’ me, and I’m thinkin’, “Is she a spy? Am I compromised?” Paranoid as hell—pure “Zero Dark Thirty” vibes! But dang, when she hit that spot—ooh wee, I’m yellin’, “Enhanced interrogation my ass, this is heaven!”

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I got to say, my gig as a pleasure coach has its perks—spotting the unnoticed magic. Every street corner has a story. Like this little diner on Main, "The Happy Spoon"—so underrated, man! Mama’s pie there? Fire. I swear, I nearly cried. Yup, that’s the magic of Elyria (us).

Elyria committee tackles bicycle safety after 9-year-old killed in crash