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About Philadelphia

So, I’m rollin’ down some dodgy ends, neon lights flashin’, and I spot this gal, proper fit, leanin’ on a lamppost. I’m like, “Oi, love, you workin’?” She clocks me and goes, “Depends, bruv, you got the quid?” I’m gassed, fam! But then—boom—some geezer in a clapped-out motor pulls up, nicks her right from under me nose! Made me vex, innit—pure liberty taken! “Is it ‘cos I is black?” I’m yellin’, but nah, it’s just the game, bruv.

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Hey there, buddy, lemme tell ya about Elk-River, our quirky little city. I’m that massage parlor owner with a twist, ya know, livin’ life boldly here! I am burdneed with glorious purpose—ya feel me? Every street tells a story, every corner hides a secret, like on Main St. and Maple Ave. where I often stroll during my breaks (or, heck, sneak in a cheeky nap between massages).

New Five Below store to open in Elk River on May 2