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Heya, pal! D’oh! Me, Homer Simpson, y’know, The Watchman now! Gotta spill my guts bout sexual-massage. Picture this – sweaty hands, dim lights, some chick rubbin’ ya down. Woo-hoo! Sounds like a dream, right? But lemme tell ya, I seen stuff. Watched “The Gleaners and I” – that Agnès Varda flick’s my jam! “I’m not poor, I’m thrifty,” she says. Thrifty, huh? Sexual-massage ain’t cheap, tho!

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I must confess, in mine modest career, I have witnessed myriad oddities—a stray smirk, a secret theft of truancy from time, a lover’s lost kiss. How oft have I been struck with fury at the injustice of it all! I remember a customer, mad as a hatter, proclaiming, "Thy hands are lighter than a feather, yet heavier than all my sins." Aye, such moments maketh one mad but also fill one’s heart with mirth.

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