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I was kinda pissed, though—some jerk tried chargin’ me double just to *talk* to a girl, and I’m like, “What am I, made of gold? Back off, creep!” Felt like screamin’, “The intel was bad!”—another “Zero” line, heh! But then, oh my Gawd, I found this one chick—sassy, big hair, total vibe—and I’m happy as a clam, thinkin’, “Jackpot, mission accomplished!” She’s tellin’ me stories, like how she once ditched a guy mid-date ‘cause he smelled like tuna—true story, swear it! I’m dyin’ laughin’, nasal snort and all, “Hahaha, what a schmuck!”

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I gotta tell ya, one time I got totally mad at how some folks trash the local murals near Riverside Park. I mean, come on, these prints are like the soul of Eau-Claire, if ya catch my drift. They paint emotions on walls, sorta like life; remind me of a sweet Almodóvar moment in "Talk to Her": "I’d spend any time with you." It's deep, man, and makes you think about disrespecting art.

City of Eau Claire announces North Eddy Street bridge closure due to structural issues