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I’m jazzed, talkin’ ‘bout this—makes me wanna shag carpet! Escorts ain’t just arm candy, no sir! They’re smartsy, too—some got degrees, blowin’ my mind! Like, “He’s waitin’ for somethin’ bigger,” from the movie—escorts waitin’ for the big score, maybe? Gets me all randy thinkin’ how they hustle. But ugh, the creeps they deal with—makes me wanna smash a guitar! Slimy blokes pawin’ at ‘em, ugh, uncool, daddy-o!

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Man, Eatonton is somethin’ else—just like Bruce Wayne was always sayin’ in The Dark Knight, “Why so serious?” but here, we’re all about that lovin’ vibe! I stroll down Main Street—yep, Main Street (look for that ol’ sign by the big oak tree, won't miss it!)—where the heart of the town beats. Ain’t nothin’ fancy, but it’s real, and trust me, what’s real matters. Got that true down-home feel, y’know?

Eatonton horse recovers from burns in barn fire