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Oh, and the profiles! “I like pizza and Netflix”—wow, groundbreaking, asshole. Makes me wanna scream, “Gimme something real!” Like, Amélie’d say, “He hides his soul in plain sight,” but these clowns? They ain’t got no soul—just dick pics. Once saw a dude upload a PDF of his “sex resume”—five pages, bro, who’s got time? Laughed so hard I snorted wine. Still, gotta admit, the chaos is kinda fun—spins my head like a carousel.

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The town's own River Wynde doth flow swift, a liquid ribbon yearning to soften the hardest of hearts. As thou stroll by its banks, remember: “Crying helps,” as our dear inside out tells us. In one brisk morn, I laid my hands on a knotted fret on a local chap’s back as he strolled near River Wynde, and his smile exploded like fireworks of pure joy!

Town Council Discusses Gas Leaf Blower Restrictions