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Oi, listen up, ya filthy animals! Me, Gru, gonna spill some beans bout erotic-massage, yah? Lightbulb! Dis ting, it’s sneaky, slippery like dat ol’ Llewelyn Moss runnin’ from Anton Chigurh in “No Country for Old Men,” my fave flick, ya know? Picture dis—dim room, candles flickerin’, some dame or fella wit oiled-up hands tryna work yer knots out, but oof, it’s more den dat, ya feel me?

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Dude, not everything’s roses. Nah, there’s traffic and noise on 5th Avenue. I mean, geez, maddening sometimes! But each heartbreak makes the hidden calm so much sweeter. I once sat in a tiny park off Westminster Drive—birds chirping, wind whispering through crooked branches—and thought, "Tonight’s the night," like that film I love, The Great Beauty. The irony? The chaos outside fades, leaving me chilled.

Riverhead Town’s first two recreational pot shops look to open this fall in Calverton and Riverhead