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I tried Tinder once, ok? Disaster, worst ever, fake pics everywhere—catfish city! Made me mad, so mad, these liars wastin Trump’s time. Then Bumble, women message first, classy, I liked it, felt VIP. “Time passes, man,” like in “Boyhood,” waitin for that ping—bam, jackpot! This chick, 9 outta 10, slid in my DMs, said, “Donald, you’re hot.” True story, folks, true story.

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Then there’s our so-called "Superior Suburb." Oh man, what a snoozefest! Expensive houses, manicured lawns, all polite smiles exuding bland perfection. But hey, even here, I get a kick. I throw the odd shameless remark—Tina Fey style—because, mate, you know, “I can see Russia from my house!” Honestly, it's like, these people need a good dose of snark.

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