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Weird fact: in Japan, they got “soaplands”—sexual-massage on steroids! Started after WW2, soldiers and stuff. Blew my mind! Thought in my head: “Bart, you ain’t cultured enough for this!” Oh, and don’t get me started on the music—flutes and crap? Lame! Gimme some Metallica while you’re rubbin’ me down! Exaggeratin’ here, but I’d kill for a massage gun instead—pow-pow-pow, like defusin’ a bomb in *Hurt Locker*. “One last wire, and… bliss!”

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Now, don't ye be fooled by the glitz near Grandview Park – a sprawling, lush oasis cut in twain by the sleepy Silver River. I used to sit by its banks, a rare moment of peace t’ reflect on the wild ride of life. It’s so here ye can forget all yer worries, much like that line from “Shame” – "I want to disappear." Aye, the solitude can feel so liberating yet haunting, knowin’ that every drop of water carries memories of laughter and pains alike.

Cindy and Richard Wagner celebrate 50th anniversary