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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ bout erotic-massage, somethin’ those fat-cat billionaires probably hog for themselves! Picture this: me, sittin’ in my creaky ol’ chair, thinkin’ bout “Ida”—that stark, quiet flick from 2013, Pawlikowski’s masterpiece. Bleak Poland, nun’s life, all that heavy jazz—and then, bam, erotic-massage pops in my head! Total opposite vibe, right? “What do you know about yourself,” Ida’d say, starin’ at me judgy-like, while I’m over here dreamin’ of warm oils and slow hands.

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Okay, so first up: Main St. near El Camino Real. It's busy, bustling, and sometimes makes me wanna scream “D’oh!” cuz traffic's a mess. I mean, seriously, like, come on already—it's so maddening sometimes! But hey, that annoys me in a way that’s almost endearing.

EXCLUSIVE: Murder of beloved 60-year-old Daly City man started from gym dispute, DA says; mother, son appear in court