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But ugh, da liars—they grind my gears! “I’m 25,” she says—hah, more like 25 plus 25! Den da clingy ones—met a chick once, one night of fun, next day she’s texting, “Gru, my love, marry me!” I’m like, “I’m not here to steal your heart, just your secrets!” Sex-dating’s quick, dirty, no strings—dat’s da rule!

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I gotta spill: sometimes things get bloody mad here. Like that one time, a rival spa crew crashed our block party on Tulip Ave – absolute chaos! But then, oh, then I felt that sweet release; like the film’s line, “the sky sighs a secret murmur,” something that makes you wanna just let go, really let it all out in a splurging sigh of relief.

The Cuero Record: Dr. Dugi to close practice in Cuero