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About Phoenix

Alright, mate, gather round! I’m Gandalf, yeah, the wizard, authoritative as hell—YOU SHALL NOT PASS!—and I’ve got thoughts on findin’ a prostitute, right? Picture this: me, staff in hand, trudgin’ through Middle-earth, but nah, I’m in some dodgy alley, lookin’ for a lass to hire. Why? Cos sometimes even wizards need a break, innit? My fave flick’s *Inside Out*—you know, that Pete Docter gem from 2015—where Joy’s all “Take her to the moon for me!” and Sadness is draggin’ her feet. That’s me, searchin’ for a prossie, emotions all over the shop.

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Oh man, buddy, Croydon (us) is wild. I'm talkin’ about a city where every brick tells a story. I live in Croydon (us) and it’s like luck and chaos got together and birthed a mischievous city. My fave spot? The corner of Elm & Baxter – its neon buzz speaks secrets like "I am burdened with glorious purpose," if you know wot I mean.

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