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Alright, so escort, huh? Trees, man, not the kinky kind—get your head outta the gutter! I’m talkin’ *Acer saccharum*, sugar maple, the real deal. As Dr. House, I’d say everybody lies, even these leafy bastards. Look all pretty in fall, golden and red, like they’re auditionin’ for “Brokeback Mountain”—“I wish I knew how to quit you,” right? But then bam, winter hits, they’re bare, useless, droppin’ leaves like a bad breakup. Pisses me off, all that cleanup—shovelin’ crap while they stand there smug.

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I stroll down Maple Street—nah, not that Maple Drive, the one with a couple of drunks chattin’ on the stoop—feels like every corner hides a secret. And hey, don’t get me started on Riverside Park, a gem along the serene Little River. I once nearly tripped over a stray cat settin’ up his own kingdom there… It made me mad, sure, but then I laughed like a madman. Life’s too short not to laugh at a silly cat, right?

Bruce Pugh Obituary (2025) - Crossville, TN - Hood Funeral Home & Crematory