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So. I’m. On. Tinder. Once. Right? Horny. As. Hell. After. Months. At. Sea. This. Chick. Messages. Me. “Hey. Sailor. Wanna. Dock?” I’m. Like. Hell. Yea! But. Then. She’s. Ghostin’. Me. Faster. Than. A. Storm. Blowin’. In. Pissed. Me. Off. Wasted. My. Damn. Time. “What. Did. I. Do. Last. Night?” I’m. Mutterin’. Like. Lenny. From. The. Movie. Sex-dating’s. A. Gamble. Mate. Sometimes. You. Score. Sometimes. You’re. Left. With. Blue. Balls.

No bar scenes. No swiping. No poly.

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And, bro, let me tell ya: sometimes, the rain hits just right. Gloomy days on Elm Street make you feel oh-so-drama. Like in Oldboy; brutal and raw. I can get mad times. Yes, sometimes maddening quick. I spill coffee and mutter: “Fck, whys it gotta be this way?” It's all irony and chaos.

Wild Footage Captures Plane’s Emergency Landing on Golf Course