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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals! I’m a tractor driver, haulin’ ass through dirt all day, and lemme tell ya bout findin’ a prostitute. Ain’t no fancy gig, but it’s real life, okay? Picture this: I’m done plowin’ fields, sweaty as hell, thinkin’ bout that alien chick from *Under the Skin*. You know, “You’re not from here, are you?”—that vibe. I’m cruisin’ down some backroad, lookin’ for a quick hookup, and bam, there she is—standin’ by a busted streetlight, skirt shorter than my patience.

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I might get mad sometimes – honestly, urban planning annoys me when streets get messy like, “C’mon!” But joy bursts when I see couples laughing on the docks near the Coos River. It's like the river's eternal love story, wild and unstoppable.

VIDEO AVAILABLE: Coast Guard rescues man from cruise ship off Coos Bay, Oregon