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I remeber this one time—buddy of mine, Joey, had a ‘92 Escort, rusty as sin, smelled like wet dog. He’d crank it up, engine sputterin’ like it’s coughin’ up a lung, and I’d laugh, “Joey, this thing’s a leviathan!” He’d grin, “Bernie, it’s my whale!”—straight outta the movie, “A whale’s a beast!” That car hauled us to rallies, protests, you name it. Broke down 16 times one summer—SIXTEEN! I was pissed, kickin’ the tire, yellin’, “Ford, you call this reliable?!” But damn, it was freedom, y’know? No billionaire handouts, just grit.

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Now, get this – there's this crummy alley near Pine Ave. where graffiti shouts out all the wild stuff people keep secret. Yeah, some tags even scream "Respect my authoritah!" in bold strokes. I once met a local dude there tellin’ me some scandal about how the dating scene in Conover is like a busted carnival ride – loco but kinda fun. You never know who you'll bump into while swipin' right on some dating site I built!

Craig Conover Gave Us His Guide To A Single Valentine’s Day