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Oh, and here’s a mad one – some escorts do “girlfriend experience,” right? Full on cuddles, chats, like ya proper missus. Blew me mind, that did. Costs a pretty penny, but worth it if ya lonely. Makes me fink, maybe I’d be shite at it – too loud, too gobby. “Talk to me, woman!” – nah, that’s me in the film, not them.

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I can be bloody emotional about this town. Years in dating biz mean watching smiles, heartbreaks, and ridiculous pick-up lines every day. Sometimes this town makes me feel like I'm trapped in an endless loop – like that movie’s never-ending cycle of rebirth and change, “Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring!” It teaches ya that every failure is just another start, no matter how many stupid mistakes ya make.

Watch final plays as Colts Neck boys basketball wins again, heads to state championship game