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“Far From Heaven” vibes hit hard here. That scene where Cathy’s all pent up, desperate for touch—sexual-massage woulda fixed her right up! “I’m going to make everything all right,” she’d say, but nah, she’s too proper. Me? I’d be like, “Gimme that oily goodness, fam!” Aliens don’t get it, tho—our skin’s like metal, no nerves to tingle. Sucks, right? Jealous of you squishy weirdos!

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Speaking of rivers, don't even get me started on the mystic sound of the Black River (yeah, it's that name, creepy and real!). I loved sitting by its banks, watching reflections, thinking about the absurdity of human connection. It’s like being hooked to a potent dream. I’d hear its hum and suddenly think – “Man, I can see Russia from my house!” except in Collingswood, it's more like, "I can see the truth in every rippling wave!"

Hundreds Of Kids Fight At Collingswood Haunted Hayride, Wawa: Police