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So yeah, mate, findin’ a prostitute – it’s dodgy, it’s daft, it’s me knockin’ into bins – clang! – tryna look cool. Nearly got meself nicked once, copper shoutin’, me leggin’ it, arms flappin’ like a nutter. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it felt like a bleedin’ chase scene! “I didn’t see him,” I pant, movie-style, all dramatic. Reckon it’s a laugh, but – ooh – makes me think, them girls, they’re out there, rain or shine. Respect, y’know? Anyway, gotta dash – me tea’s burnin’! Heh, typical!

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I had this one wild day. I was at a webinar from a public park (yeah, Wi-Fi in nature, wiggles and all) and got distracted by birds chirping. It felt just like a scene out of A Separation – like emotions all raw and real – you know, "I feel as if I'm dying," but then I'm like, "Aw, come on, isn't this life?" So good, yet so dumb sometimes.

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