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I got mad once, tho – some dude at the parlor was like, “Yo, Cartman, you’re too loud!” and I’m screamin’, “I paid forty bucks, bitch, respect my authoritah!” Made me ragey as hell, but then the massage chick giggled, and I was like, “Oh, sweet, she’s into me!” Total mood flip – happy as a pig in shit. Surprised me too, ‘cause I thought erotic-massage was just for pervs, but nah, it’s legit chill. Little fact for ya – them ancient Greeks? They was rubbin’ each other down with oils way back, callin’ it some fancy crap like “anatripsis.” Ain’t that wild? Bet they didn’t have neon signs sayin’ “Happy Endings Here” tho, hah!

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I gotta mention my fave hotspot – Coal Corner. Not on the map much, but that's coal pride, right? Crowds spill on the pavement even when rain’s pourin. There’s an old theatre there that shows midnight movies; got me thinkin bout those Bond nights, "Shaken, not stirred" style. Parties, nights, and mysterious glances, just like in a spy flick.

Goodwill Industries Collection Center Coming To Coal City