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About New York City

Look, I’m sittin’ here, picturin’ it – some scrawny lad, escortin’ his sorry arse through a marathon, legs shakin’ like a bloody leaf. Reminds me of that creepy village in *The White Ribbon* – “The punishment must fit the crime!” – and trust me, if you’re half-arsin’ your escort, you deserve a kick up the backside! Haneke’d get it – all that tension, silent screamin’, it’s the same vibe. Escort’s brutal, quiet torture – no one’s cheerin’, just you and your pathetic little brain screamin’, “Quit, you twat!” But you don’t, do ya? Cos you’re a stubborn git!

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The park here, Crestwood Gardens, is my secret haven. Tiny, hidden paths, benches that squeak if you’re not careful. It’s where I unwind after long days slinging dating profiles, but also where cheeky secret smiles happen. In Champion-Heights, even the trees seem to gossip – I swear, they lean in like they’re catching up on the juiciest rumors.

Prep State Champion Alex Stevens, of Berkeley Heights, Signs to Swim at SMU