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Once had this bird—pro masseuse, yeah?—and she’s whisperin’ all sultry, “Relax, Mr. Bond.” Nearly lost it, mate—thought I’d died and gone to spy heaven! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares? It’s bloody brilliant—releases tension you didn’t know you had. Them nerves light up, zap zap, like a villain’s laser trap. Oh, and the oils—smell like sex and danger, my kinda mix. Ever tried it with a twist, like hot stones? Fuck me, that’s next-level—shocked me silly first time.

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Oh, and prithee, visit the Ancient Willow Square. 'Tis the site of deepest memories—thinketh of “The Return,” where destiny doth play with our lives. Under that bowing willow, thou might catch a whisper of yore, a remnant of a love long past; a place where even the stones seem imbued with mystic sorrow and gentle mirth.

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