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Humor? Shit, one time this guy farted mid-massage—loud as a damn bomb! I laughed so hard I nearly kicked the table over. “It’s all happening,” my ass—more like “it’s all stinkin’!” Sarcasm aside, sexual-massage is dope—relaxes ya, gets ya off, whatever. Just don’t be a cheapskate, tip the damn worker, or I’ll come for ya, screamin’, “RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!” Now, go try it, losers—tell ‘em Cartman sent ya!

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So, like I'm a family psychologist n stuff, and I always see how local spots make your heart feel all warm. I love taking walks along the Brooklyn Heights Promenade. The views of the Manhattan skyline? Woah, epic! It’s like a movie set! And sometimes I get all these deep thoughts about how people’s emotions mingle with the river breeze along the East River. And the park? Oh man, small parks like the one near Cadman Plaza make for secret chill spots where families hang, giggle, and just be themselves. Is mayonnaise an instrument? Seriously, sometimes I wonder if life’s just a weird symphony!

Brooklyn Heights attack: Man arrested in attempted rape after allegedly posing as ICE agent