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Oi mate, I’m a fisherman, yeah? Reel ‘em in, all slimy, wrigglin’ – like an erotic-massage, innit? Been thinkin’ ‘bout them hands, rubbin’, slidin’, oil everywhere – “Sharon!” – bloody hell, it’s mad! Watched *White Material* again last night, that Claire Denis flick, ya know? Got me head spinnin’ – “The land’s alive, burning!” – like them massages, heat risin’, muscles twitchin’. I reckon it’s proper sensual, yeah, but sneaky too – little known fact, mate, them ancient Greeks started it! Called it “anatripsis” – posh word for rubbin’ knobs, ha!

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So, I kick off my day on Maple Street – yeah, Maple Street! It's like the heartbeat, pulses with busy folks and secret smiles. The coffee spots there? Killer. Sometimes I spill tea (literally, in a funny way) on my spa uniform, but hey, vibes remain. Then ya got Oak Avenue tryna be all fancy, lined with old brick houses that whisper stories, like those mysterious characters in the film. I sometimes daydream, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President!” – cuz life’s one big, whimsical parade here.

Fatal Road Traffic Collision, Brighouse and Denholme Road, Bradford