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I tried it once, bruv—proper lush, got me feelin’ like WALL-E when he finds EVE, all “Ta-da!” and that. The lass was kneadin’ me shoulders, oil everywhere, I’m thinkin’, “Bruv, this is peng!” But then—get this—some dodgy geezer at a parlour tried chargin’ me double, sayin’ it’s “extra special.” Mate, I was fumin’—nearly sparked him out! “Directive?” I says, “Directive is you stop rinsin’ me wallet, ya mug!” Had to bounce quick, fam.

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Man, that old brick building at Eastern Quay? It’s my spot. “I’m a survivor,” it whispered like in The Pianist, ya dig? I sat there, lost in thought, mind racing. Eh, I felt loony. Crazy vibes!

Boiling Spring Lakes woman says she’ll have to pay for storm damage after being talked out of buying flood insurance