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Still, it ain’t all roses. Gets me fumin’ when blokes lie – “6 foot, fit,” then you rock up and he’s 5’2” with a beer gut. “You’re not gonna die, stop cryin’!” I wanna yell, like Bigelow’s boys. Truth is, sex-dating’s a gamble – half the time you’re chuffed, half the time you’re stuck with a numpty who thinks “foreplay” is a quick grope. Oh, and don’t get me started on the dick pics – unsolicited cock shots everywhere! Bin it, lads, no one’s impressed.

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Oh, and the local quirks! Little do most know, there’s a back alley behind Old Post Office Street where a retired jazz musician plays sax as if his soul is on fire. It sends shivers, man—like a secret love note whispered at midnight. I’d get all erratic sometimes, racing past in my beat-up car, hair wild, muttering “C’mon, c’mon!” as if chasing a dream or a bad memory.

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