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Oi mate, me, a parachutist firefighter, yeah? Droppin’ from the sky, whoosh, savin’ forests, all that jazz. But lemme tell ya bout somethin’ wild—findin’ a prostitute, right? Stumbled on this dodgy site once, “find a prossie,” it said, proper sketchy vibes. Me, Mr. Bean, all clumsy-like, clickin’ links, oops, nearly fell off me chair! *mimes wobblin’, arms flailin’* Thought, “Blimey, this ain’t like Carol, is it?” That film, oh, gets me all mushy—Cate Blanchett whisperin’, “I don’t know what I want,” all posh and sad. Meanwhile, I’m here, scrollin’, thinkin’, “What *do* I want, eh?”

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My fave quirky spot? The tiny library on Oak. It whispers old lore. Sometimes i zone out, hmmm, like in a Kaufman dreamscape. I swear, its silence speaks wonders, cosmic echoes "to be good enough." Sometimes, a dog runs past—free, wild, livin free.

Jacobs scores four, propels Alton to hockey sweep of Bethalto