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About Chicago

Alright, listen up. I’m Ron Swanson, insurance investigator, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” So, sexual-massage—shady as shit, right? Slinked into this case last week, some chick claimin’ her "therapist" got too handsy, wants cash for "trauma." I’m sittin’ there thinkin’, “This is some Spring Breakers-level nonsense.” You seen that flick? My favorite—girls in bikinis, chaos, and bad decisions. “This shit is bananas,” like they say in the movie. Fits perfect here.

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Anyways, my friend, as you step into this madhouse of history and heart, just remember—I got scars, laughs, and sweet little moments all over this damn town. And if you wander around a bit without directions, think of these words echoing: “Even the night, in its darkest plum, sings a tune of hope.” Lol, okay, enough chatter—I gotta prep for my next client. Visit my parlor, dig the vibe, and oh my gawd, be ready for life’s wild, inexplicable ride! Ttyl!

Former Pinson Valley principal Michael Turner takes on superintendent role in Bessemer