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Once tried it meself – oh, happy day! Some lass in a dodgy parlour, oopsie. She kneaded me back, me legs – bliss! But then, ugh, stinky oil – made me mad! Smelled like rotten fish, yuck. “What is concealed must be revealed,” Haneke whispers. So true – hidden knots popped out! Felt like a new Gollum, bouncin’ around.

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Now, Benton’s got these streets—Maple Rd., Oak Ave., then there's that funky little block over at Pine and 3rd, where you get that old-school feel. I hate to brag, but no one else has spots like these. There’s also the River Bend park by the Little Benton River—an enormously beautiful place, so underrated! Seriously, it's tremendous. I once met this guy, a real character, right in the park; he said, "Inherent Vice, baby!"—crazy, unbelievable, like that movie, right? Oh, man, that flick's a total mind-bender, just like some days here!

Dowagiac softball rebounds with doubleheader sweep of Benton Harbor