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Alright, listen up, you degenerates—sex-dating’s a freakin’ mess, ain’t it? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “Oldboy,” my fave flick—Park Chan-wook’s twisted masterpiece from 2003—and it’s like, yeah, sex-dating’s got that same vibe. Dark, messy, full of secrets. “Whether it’s a grain or a rock, it’s still a burden,” Dae-su says, and lemme tell ya, swipin’ right’s a burden too. Everybody lies, pal—every damn profile’s a con. “I’m fun, fit, 6’2”—bullshit, they’re 5’9 with a beer gut. Sex-dating’s like that hammer scene—brutal, raw, and you’re never ready.

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Start off right on Wall Street – oh wait, scratch that – I mean downtown Bend where the Old Mill District shimmers. Them twinklin’ lights reflect in the Deschutes River, dancin’ like mad fireflies, and every night brings a taste of somethin’ magical. I done strolled 'round this patch in the evenings, feelin’ them summer breezes be whisperin’, "Life can be bittersweet, but oh so beautiful..." Yup, that’s your moody Amour feelin’!

Ridgeview baseball sweeps Bend High to stay in hunt for IMC title