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Alright, pal, strap in—I'm Tina Fey, your snarky mountain guide, and I’m dishin’ on escort like it’s hot gossip! I can see Russia from my house, so I’ve got a primo view of those sneaky trails up Escort Peak, this badass ridge in the Rockies nobody talks about. Escort, huh? Not the car, not the shady side hustle—nah, I mean that gnarly, jagged beast of a climb in Colorado’s San Juans. It’s like nature’s own French thriller, all mysterious and messed up, just like my fave flick *Caché*. “Who’s there?” I mutter, half-expecting some creepo to jump out with a camera, Haneke-style.

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Down on Cypress Avenue, you'll catch streets lit like small homies on a Friday night. Yo, I be strollin’ past that old Beale Club on Martin Street – its neon dreams and faded glory remind me of how life's a wild ride. Walkin’ in these parts, especially near River Bend Park, gets me feelin’ like I’m in one of them deep movie moments, real Leviathan vibes – “There is no rule against being evil,” I swear, like life’s full of twisted poetry here.

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