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They got rules, tho – no kissin’, no cuddles, just business, cold as ice. Like Carlos says, “We’re not here to play games!” Hiss! Funny tho, some blokes fall in love, stupid fat hobbits, cryin’ when she leaves. Ha! Idiots deserve it, I say. Me, I’d never – too busy choppin’, sweatin’, livin’ free. Escorts got stories, tho – one gal, swore she banged a prince, real royalty, kept his tie as proof. Dunno if it’s true, but damn, that’s juicy, yesss!

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You got the Bartonville River cutting through downtown near Westbank Lane. I swear, one sunset there totally reminds me of that line from The Hurt Locker: “I love the smell of napalm in the morning” – except, like, it’s all fresh and liberating instead of a weird boom-boom! I mean, the vibe is explosive in a good way, ya know?

Woman's body found in Illinois River near Bartonville