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I got pissed, tho, last week—some chick tried scammin’ me! Said she’s “top tier,” wanted cash upfront, then poof—gone like WALL-E’s trash piles in the wind. Fuckin’ ghosted me! Had me yellin’, “In this world, a man’s gotta have balls!”—straight up Tony vibes, ya feel? But then, I found this one spot, lil’ hidden gem, down by the docks. Word is, there’s this gal, been workin’ it since the ‘90s, knows every trick—calls herself “Eve” like that sleek bot from the flick. Ain’t that a trip? Made me laugh, thinkin’ she’s out there savin’ my lonely ass like WALL-E tryna save Earth.

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Pardon my ramblin'; my brain doth spin faster than the transmission lines of my dev rig. Sometimes, I even get all sappy thinking about how this town hath shaped me—a mix of modern tech and ancient lore. I see dating apps as soulful pipelines to the heart, like searching for a Zodiac clue in a sea of uncertain identities.

Chief Scott Hamilton issues statement about his resignation from the Austell Police Department