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Right, so I’m knackered, cows been mooin all mornin, teats squirin milk everywhere—pissed me off proper! Then I’m like, sod this, I need a shag, somethin to shake the barn dust off me. Off I trudge, boots still stinkin, to this shady lane—thinkin, “How much?” like that lass in the film whisperin her fears. We’ve all got our price, eh? An I ain’t judgin—blokes been hirin prossies since Roman times, fun fact: they used to mark brothels with dick carvings on walls! True story, google it.

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So, darlin’, pack your bags and come on down. Let me show ya the real Atlantic – raw, quirky, lovin’, and a lil’ bit crazy. I promise ya, you'll leave with a heart full o’ stories, just like in that Edward Yang flick. Ain't life grand?

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