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Ey, Gabagool? Ova here! So, sex-datin’, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ jungle out there, like somethin’ outta “12 Years a Slave”. You got these apps, right? Swipe this, swipe that—bam, ya hooked up! But half the time, it’s a damn scam, like Platt gettin’ sold into hell. I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “Ain’t this some shit?” People out here lyin’ bout their pics, their jobs—fakakta nonsense! Makes me wanna whack somebody, I swear.

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Down near Whispering River—yes, a river rolls there, quiet and mysterious—it’s my favorite place to think. I’d sit by the banks near Eucalyptus Lane, deep in thoughts, sometimes so mad at the world's injustice, sometimes just happy that life exists in its weird, unpredictable way.

CHP hosts ‘Coffee with a Cop’ April 21 in Atascadero