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Oi mate, erotic-massage, yeah? What a bloody treat! Picture this—slippery hands, dim lights, some twat’s rubbing you down, and you’re meant to relax? Piss off! I’m lying there, thinking, “This is Joy from Inside Out, innit?” All happy and tingly, like she’s bouncing round me head! Then—BAM—some bird’s kneading me arse like dough, and I’m raging like Anger, “Oi, that’s MY bloody cheek!” Costs a bomb too, fifty quid for a fumble? Robbery!

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I once met a couple on a spur-of-the-moment drive up the Parkway. They were quoting weird lines like “actors, actors, precious... quite profound!” from Holy Motors. It was so surreal, like I'm living in a movie with cheesy lines and sassy rebels behind the wheel. Ugh, my mind was blown – complete mess and magic all at once.

Hard 2 Recycle event helps Asheville residents keep tough waste out of landfills