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Oh, and the smells—lavender, eukalyptus, whatever it’s called—takes me to another planet! I’m layin’ there, butt-naked under a towel, feelin’ like a queen. But then—surprise, y’all!—this one time, the masseuse starts whisperin’ sweet nothings. I’m like, “Hold up, sugar, I ain’t payin’ for no therapy session!” Made me giggle tho—thought I was in a damn rom-com!

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I’ll be honest – sometimes I’m just blown away by the blend of cultures in Arlington. Locals will chat about job stress and family drama like they’re sharing the latest office gossip. I always say, “Oi, mate, life’s as mystifying as past lives from Uncle Boonmee, so you just gotta savour every odd moment,” because man, if you don’t, you miss the poetry in the mundane, right?

JUST IN: Severe Thunderstorm Watch issued for Arlington and D.C. area