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Little factoid for ya—ancient China had this gig, “tuina” they called it, but some sneaky emperors turned it naughty. Massages with “happy endings”? Been around forever, pal. History’s dirty like that. Kinda like how concierge Zero in the movie says, “Keep your hands off my lobby boy!”—except here, it’s “hands ON, please.” Wes Anderson’d probably film it with pastel oils and a quirky wink.

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I, like, wander through the neighborhoods, and I adore the vibe of East Amesbury – quaint houses, vibrant murals, and the street art that totally makes you go “whoa, is that even real?” Kewl, right? B/c, like, as a dating app developer, I spot hidden romance everywhere. Like, on occasion, I’ve seen couples holding hands outside The Old Mill at North Shore Road and thought, “I had to shoot, literally shoot, the moment,” – ugh, sorry, that’s totally a Memento vibe, babe.

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