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Oi, fam, check it! Me, a parachutist firefighter, innit? Droppin’ from da sky to fight fires, bruv, dat’s nang! But yo, let’s chat about prostitutes, yeah? Proper deep ting dis. I’m like, jumpin’ out planes, savin’ lives, and den I see dese girls on da corner, hustlin’. Makes me fink—*“How happy is da blameless vestal’s lot?”*—y’know, from me fave flick, *Eternal Sunshine of da Spotless Mind*. Dat line hits different when you clock dese girls, man.

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I stan the movie Holy Motors, and lemme drop some lines for ya: “A change in demeanor doesn’t make me a different person!” Man, that hits home in this town. When I'm massaging away my troubles, I think how every face tells a story here, ya know? And hey, Altadena’s got the Arroyo Seco too. That river is like nature’s heartbeat, whispering secrets all day long. But these days, it’s mad neglected—really grinds my gears sometimes!

How one of the largest employers in Altadena plans to rebuild